dee30 (dee30) wrote in spanking_fetish,

Can I get an opinion, please?

 I used to know someone in my local S&M community that I had deep admiration for, Sir Craig. I looked to him as a mentor.
He did have a slavegirl, but they were not exclusive. But I was NEVER jealous of her because, I actually think they're a good pair together. There is a lot of difference in age between them, there is a difference in age between he and I. But the age difference between them is much wider! 

But there is somone else (within the community) that I had been seeing on a regular basis. Someone I share intimacy with, and I'm not necessarily refering to sex. I am meaning - intimate moments of warmth and concern for each other, and just hanging out to do nothing in particular. But with Sir Ron, I don't like his spankings as much as Sir Craig's. Sir Craig seems to have spanking down to an art form!! 

Now I should make it known,  I am the kind of person who will recognize birthdays and christmas. I always give small gifts to "all" my friends for these particular celebrations. But somehow I think Sir Craig felt I was giving him gifts of love, and I'll tell you why in a minute... but first, after having not had a session with the first guy in eleven months, I went to his house at the beginning of the year to ask why? I said, "Its quite apparent we don't get together anymore, and I'd just like to understand why?" Then he said, "Its quite apparent you have become obsessed with me." 
I was completely dumbfounded!! After three years of sessions, 4 - 5, a year, and even having him to dinner twice at my house, this is what he says to me? It made no sense. He mentioned me calling and leaving messages for him. Am I dense, or isn't that what you do with a message machine?  And for the record... he's told me several times in the past, he was very busy with his life in general, work, school, community, so getting a hold of him was sometimes a process in itself. He didn't always get back to people, phone or emails. So sure, sometimes I left him a few extra emails or phone messages, but I NEVER texted him a message on his cell phone, nor called at unreasonable hours.(I never acknowledged him on Valantines day, I did that with Sir Ron.) I have NEVER even ran into Sir Craig anywhere, other than S&M community functions. So it's not as if he'd been seeing me pop up all over town. 

Well, anyway, when he said what he said to me, all I could do was extend my hand out and thank him for the experiences I had with him. He shook my hand and added he had a lot going on, and he was frustrated with something's that weren't moving along with his doctorate. Okay, that's life, I understand that!  I left dsappointed, but not angry, but definately annoyed with his "obsession" comment. 

Anyway, several months went by, and I had heard Sir Craig wasn't seen too much in the community. I did give him a call just to see how he was? And we did talk for about ten minutes. He did mention he was taking a break, which as it turns out, so are a few other individuals, including myself! Looks like there are a few of us doing a little self examination. Nothing wrong with that. But I tell him I'd enjoy the opporunity to go on a bike ride with him sometime (he's into biking) and just chat a little too. He sounded as if he was going to consider that, when he had he time. But I have not heard back from him.  

But I was just wondering to anyone on this site, what do you make of all this? This is a guy who suggested to me that I return to college (I only had 12 credits.) So at his suggestion, I went back, and I now have two years behind me. He even tutored me three times when I asked for help. 

Ever since he made his comment to me, I have LOST total interest to be spanked!! Anyway, I was thinking, what if all the little trinkets I gave him (which I do for others too) made him think I was obsessed and taken with him? Why didn't he just give them back to me? I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happened to make him change into someone else now?  Who is this guy?

I am not trying to connect with him for sessions. But why is a bike ride even so difficult, when I know that is something he enjoys? I just want to be friends. In fact, I just want to be friends with everyone. Do people really have that many friends that you can just push people aside? Is that what I'm not doing right? Maybe I should take a lesson from him and be indifferent, what do you all think?  Anyway, all I can think about everything that's transpired is, thank goodness I NEVER did anything that would have mede me feel uncomfortable doing, only to have it all turn out like it did. If I had done something that would have been more pleasing to Sir Craig, than for me, I'd feel as if I had been taken advantage of, and used. But at least this way I don't feel that. Just disappointed that he's not the MAN I thought he was!  He's very self-centered!
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